Running far from here

I’m running away.

From my blog, from the posts here. This blog has been disappointing.

Sorry, to all my non-existant readers.

Ooh, did I mention?

I’ve been…

-cross stitching for a year

-embroidering for a month and a half

-knitting for a month

-and scrapbooking for five years

-and hoping to learn to crochet in a few weeks!

It’s Ten Past Two

I was hoping for a very unstresful half term, and I think mum was too, but she’s got to arrange grandad’s funeral and it’s a lot of work. Our job is just to sit quietly, until it’s all over next Monday.

In true Holly form, I’m not wearing black to funeral because I am celebrating his life, and I’m reading a poem I found in a book.

I have my new Cross Stitcher magazine and am going to settle down to do some of Margaret Sherry’s gorgeous little Easter designs, and we’re having a take-away later and I’m going to finish my homework.

So far today, I have done nothing. Actually, I suppose I have done some things, I’ve…

got dressed.

had breakfast and lunch.

washed Joseph’s hair

ironed some fabric

and wrote this.

Ok, so I have accomplished some little things by twenty past two at least.

Conditional

I’ve got into YSJ university!

Four and a half days in the Northern Territories

I am Happy

I am Happy to report that I’m planning to do a lot of photo posts in the next few days, including year in photos, a year of me in photos (it’s a step towards my Unravelling, not just vanity!) the Wicker Man festival, St Ives, Ambleside, Sarah’s 18th birthday trip to london etc.

I am Happy to report that seeing Jamie makes me happy. We are due for a movie night tomorrow.

I am Happy to report that my word for 2011 is SHARE. I am aiming to put this into motion (hence the bit about Jamie and the photo overload coming soon)

I am Happy to report that I only have five months left at college.

I am Happy to report that I have an interview at YSJ (did I already mention that in an earlier post?)

I am NOT Happy to report that we may not be getting the oil, and therefore be warm for at least another week.

I am NOT Happy to report that my laptop is being I…N…C…R…E…D…I…B…L…Y slow.

Free

Well, I suppose I’ve been neglecting my blog lately, but one of my new year’s resolutions was to blog more often.

I’ve got a lot of share, but I can’t seem to put it into words, so tomorrow I shall do a huge (or several) posts involving many photographs and possibly a little bit of regret about the way my Unravelling is going.

I don’t know why, but I couldn’t get into it. I tried to. I think it was because I didn’t have a lovely notebook to write in and draw in. Something that’s really and truly me. So today I might wander into Tiger and buy a little (or large) sketchbook, and start Unravelling properly again.

FOR EMBROIDERY ENTHUIASTS-If you are an embroiderer, or would like to start, I highly recommend buying Aimee Ray’s two Embroidery books-they are purely pieces of art in themselves. Thanks to her, I have already completed one of my thirty new year’s resolutions and have been enthuisastically embroidering for five days now. I’m planning on making a purse this weekend.

It’s nice to be sharing the little insignificant things again on here, I missed writing everything down.

Gap year plans abound-only five months and a couple of exams to get through before my gap year starts. Planning Scotland in October, possibly Canada in January 2012 and Ireland in the March 2012.

My blog is undergoing a layout change, kindly Megan is making me a new and pretty and ‘me’ layout. It might not appear for a while, but I don’t mind. I must learn to be patient.

Meeting up with Jamie tonight.

Have an interview at York St John on the 2nd February, my little brother’s birthday.

The parent’s divorce is going badly.

I feel I’ve made too many mistakes with people, that’s why I’m nervous about seeing Jamie again. I don’t want to drive any more people away.

I think I should stop blogging amnd start revising in my free lessons at college.

Tomorrow there shall be lots of sunshine and happiness here!

Mulled wine

December 9 – Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)

Well, I’ve been to the grand total of ONE party this year! And I sort of co-organised it. I think it was an important kind of stepping stone in my life, because it was just after the whole friend-loss-betrayl-embarrassment thing. It proved to me that some people just do not care in the slightest about things that other people tell them, meaning to be spiteful. It showed me that not everybody is as bothered by the little, insignificant, brief things in life like I was and so many people I used to know were. So, thanks to you Oli, I’m a happier person because of the way you handled the little situation : )

So the party Kathy and I arranged was in April, and we set out for it to be a gathering in the local park with maybe a few bottles of various alcoholic drinks. Now, Kathy and I are not rebellious, party-all-night and get drunk every weekend kind of girls.

Of course, we knew it would never really end up like that. So in true all out party style we sent out a massage on Facebook.

Geo, Kathy and I went to Kathy’s house after college and set up a tent that we would be sleeping in later, with a couple of strictly invitees only. Then Oli, Shaun and his brother arrived and thus followed the most awkward two hours of my life. They laughed at the tent and set it up properly, then we clinked our way down to the park, where we sat on the grass and drank wine silently until more people arrived.

From then on, we all got a bit more chatty (no doubt from the wine and people we weren’t scared of talking to). Kathy and I went off and had a heart to heart, and I held Gareth’s hand and cried. I also glimpsed Jamie and considered going to talk to him, but decided against it. I was a coward.

December 10 – Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

Without sounding too clever, I think I’ve made quite a few wise decisions this year. Undoubtably, the wisest was abandoning (or not begging them back) my ex-friends, who I realised made me have zero self-esteem, a very trumped up idea of my own importance, and a very nasty temper.

I think my second wisest decision was to try to make amends for the people I hurt in the days when the friends above most influenced me. So two out of three people have given me a third, fourth, fifth, millionth chance, and I thank them so much that they have.

December 11 – 11 Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)

1. I don’t need all those pointless things I buy. I will ask myself three times whether I need it, how often will I use it, and whether I can make or find it cheaper somewhere else. This means I will have more money and less crap.

2. I don’t need to bite my nails. I will mentally tell myself that biting my nails is a disgusting habit and no-one will want to marry me if I have no nails. This will mean I can paint my nails more often, and also get married. Lol!

3. I don’t need to be as hypocritical as I am. Each time I find myself being hypocritical, I’ll remind myself that I do exactly the same thing. This will, I hope help me to be a better person.

4. I don’t need to start the diet tomorrow.

5. I don’t need to yell at Rowanna. She has ears, and I don’t plan to burst her eardrums for doing something as small as sitting on my bed.

6. I don’t need to make to-do lists. I just end up doing everything on there that is fun or not really to-do, like stitching, scrapbooking or baking. I ignore the things that I really do need to do, like writing that english coursework or drawing those pictures.

7. I don’t need to borrow money off people. If I see something I want, I’ll find it another time when I have money of my own.

8. I don’t need to make excuses. If I don’t want to do something, I’ll say, instead of just pissing off/letting people down.

9. I don’t need to get Rowanna/Mum/Friend to get things for me. I am perfectly capable.

10. I don’t need to upset people on purpose, by speaking my mind, or just being spiteful.

11. I don’t need to be afraid. I need to prove to myself that things can be resolved.

December 12 – Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)

Wow, this is a tricky one. There’s never been a moment when I just hits me, but I suppose I have a few of these each weeks. Maybe that sounds a bit hopeful, I’m not sure. But I certainly have a sudden feeling that nothing physical matters, except my brain, and how I’m thinking. It’s tricky to explain. I feel so deeply rooted in the moment that everything else falls away.

Guess what I’m drinking at the moment :  )

illness : (

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

I made something on Saturday. A couple of months ago in a Papermaze sale, I bought a Maya Road Chipboard Bird Cage album, and have been wondering since then what exactly to do with it. So on Saturday afternoon I piled all my scrapbooking materials out my cupboard and set to work picking out my most prettiest vintage floral papers and stickers and acetate. I’m planning to put the best photos from all the photoshoots I did with Rowanna in there. The album is called ‘my muse’, because Rowanna contiually inspires me. I want to create an altered book, a history book of sorts I suppose, all about legends and myths. A kind of how-to. I’ve got the book and everything to create it, I just haven’t got the time. Next year when I’m on my gap year I’ll do it.

December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

I’ve discovered a community of wonderful women in Susannah Conway’s Unravelling class. They’re so supportive and unassuming. Great advice and shared worries, fear, thoughts and memories with them. I’d like to the join the local community of artists, who put up work for sale in the doctors surgery and the yearly art show. I want to be more creatively linked to the local artists. I would also love to set up a book club. That’s the nerd within me talking!

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

I’m different I think, because I don’t brush my hair (trust me, it looks better that way!) and I can honestly say that I do not care in the slightest what people think of me. That’s been one of the ongoing changes of 2010, I’ve gradually learnt that other people’s opinions of you do not matter  at all. It makes me happy to be able to go out and be completely and utterly joyful in my own skin. I don’t wear make-up, I don’t follow fashions, I don’t use ‘text talk’, I don’t call my friends ‘darling’, I don’t prance around acting like I own the world (ahem, cough cough people I know!), I don’t go for muscles or strength or daring. I also read a ridiculous amount of books. I’m happy.

I don’t know what I do to light people up. I’d like to think I do so in being so completely me, in their presence. I hope that gives them courage and the will to be themselves. But then, I could be completely wrong about that.

I like being me. : )

Except when I’m ill, which is right now : *

A little magic…

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

Interesting. I started letting go of material needs and disposed of fake friendships. This let to wonder about who I really was, which led me back to my imagination, which had been somewhat neglected these past few years. I got back in touch with nature (going for long walks barefoot, that sort of thing), and I started to wonder more about the world, and about mythical creatures and legends. This finally led me to want to go to university in Yorkshire where there are fairies and to spend my gap year in Scotland where there is the Loch Ness Monster, and Ireland where there are leprechauns. So my sense of wonder this year is more in wonderful things of the imagination. I also started drawing fairies again, and with each drawing, I feel more at ease with what I believe.

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

Ahaha. I let go of Bekca. I pissed her off and made no attempt to befriend her again. She was never the kind of person who is really and truly a friend. I let go of Robert and Jamie too, but then decided that they were two people I couldn’t lose again, so I got back in touch with them. I think I’ve finally let go of Lewis. A sensible, friendly person would’ve realised that I have changed so very much, and would’ve made an effort to get talking again. I let go of the bitterness and betrayal I felt by my mother and father. And finally, I let go of my self. I let the old Holly float off into the world of past rumours and assumptions. And the new me, emerged, almost fully formed, like a butterfly.