Mulled wine

December 12, 2010

December 9 – Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)

Well, I’ve been to the grand total of ONE party this year! And I sort of co-organised it. I think it was an important kind of stepping stone in my life, because it was just after the whole friend-loss-betrayl-embarrassment thing. It proved to me that some people just do not care in the slightest about things that other people tell them, meaning to be spiteful. It showed me that not everybody is as bothered by the little, insignificant, brief things in life like I was and so many people I used to know were. So, thanks to you Oli, I’m a happier person because of the way you handled the little situation : )

So the party Kathy and I arranged was in April, and we set out for it to be a gathering in the local park with maybe a few bottles of various alcoholic drinks. Now, Kathy and I are not rebellious, party-all-night and get drunk every weekend kind of girls.

Of course, we knew it would never really end up like that. So in true all out party style we sent out a massage on Facebook.

Geo, Kathy and I went to Kathy’s house after college and set up a tent that we would be sleeping in later, with a couple of strictly invitees only. Then Oli, Shaun and his brother arrived and thus followed the most awkward two hours of my life. They laughed at the tent and set it up properly, then we clinked our way down to the park, where we sat on the grass and drank wine silently until more people arrived.

From then on, we all got a bit more chatty (no doubt from the wine and people we weren’t scared of talking to). Kathy and I went off and had a heart to heart, and I held Gareth’s hand and cried. I also glimpsed Jamie and considered going to talk to him, but decided against it. I was a coward.

December 10 – Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

Without sounding too clever, I think I’ve made quite a few wise decisions this year. Undoubtably, the wisest was abandoning (or not begging them back) my ex-friends, who I realised made me have zero self-esteem, a very trumped up idea of my own importance, and a very nasty temper.

I think my second wisest decision was to try to make amends for the people I hurt in the days when the friends above most influenced me. So two out of three people have given me a third, fourth, fifth, millionth chance, and I thank them so much that they have.

December 11 – 11 Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)

1. I don’t need all those pointless things I buy. I will ask myself three times whether I need it, how often will I use it, and whether I can make or find it cheaper somewhere else. This means I will have more money and less crap.

2. I don’t need to bite my nails. I will mentally tell myself that biting my nails is a disgusting habit and no-one will want to marry me if I have no nails. This will mean I can paint my nails more often, and also get married. Lol!

3. I don’t need to be as hypocritical as I am. Each time I find myself being hypocritical, I’ll remind myself that I do exactly the same thing. This will, I hope help me to be a better person.

4. I don’t need to start the diet tomorrow.

5. I don’t need to yell at Rowanna. She has ears, and I don’t plan to burst her eardrums for doing something as small as sitting on my bed.

6. I don’t need to make to-do lists. I just end up doing everything on there that is fun or not really to-do, like stitching, scrapbooking or baking. I ignore the things that I really do need to do, like writing that english coursework or drawing those pictures.

7. I don’t need to borrow money off people. If I see something I want, I’ll find it another time when I have money of my own.

8. I don’t need to make excuses. If I don’t want to do something, I’ll say, instead of just pissing off/letting people down.

9. I don’t need to get Rowanna/Mum/Friend to get things for me. I am perfectly capable.

10. I don’t need to upset people on purpose, by speaking my mind, or just being spiteful.

11. I don’t need to be afraid. I need to prove to myself that things can be resolved.

December 12 – Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)

Wow, this is a tricky one. There’s never been a moment when I just hits me, but I suppose I have a few of these each weeks. Maybe that sounds a bit hopeful, I’m not sure. But I certainly have a sudden feeling that nothing physical matters, except my brain, and how I’m thinking. It’s tricky to explain. I feel so deeply rooted in the moment that everything else falls away.

Guess what I’m drinking at the moment :  )

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illness : (

December 8, 2010

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

I made something on Saturday. A couple of months ago in a Papermaze sale, I bought a Maya Road Chipboard Bird Cage album, and have been wondering since then what exactly to do with it. So on Saturday afternoon I piled all my scrapbooking materials out my cupboard and set to work picking out my most prettiest vintage floral papers and stickers and acetate. I’m planning to put the best photos from all the photoshoots I did with Rowanna in there. The album is called ‘my muse’, because Rowanna contiually inspires me. I want to create an altered book, a history book of sorts I suppose, all about legends and myths. A kind of how-to. I’ve got the book and everything to create it, I just haven’t got the time. Next year when I’m on my gap year I’ll do it.

December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

I’ve discovered a community of wonderful women in Susannah Conway’s Unravelling class. They’re so supportive and unassuming. Great advice and shared worries, fear, thoughts and memories with them. I’d like to the join the local community of artists, who put up work for sale in the doctors surgery and the yearly art show. I want to be more creatively linked to the local artists. I would also love to set up a book club. That’s the nerd within me talking!

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

I’m different I think, because I don’t brush my hair (trust me, it looks better that way!) and I can honestly say that I do not care in the slightest what people think of me. That’s been one of the ongoing changes of 2010, I’ve gradually learnt that other people’s opinions of you do not matter  at all. It makes me happy to be able to go out and be completely and utterly joyful in my own skin. I don’t wear make-up, I don’t follow fashions, I don’t use ‘text talk’, I don’t call my friends ‘darling’, I don’t prance around acting like I own the world (ahem, cough cough people I know!), I don’t go for muscles or strength or daring. I also read a ridiculous amount of books. I’m happy.

I don’t know what I do to light people up. I’d like to think I do so in being so completely me, in their presence. I hope that gives them courage and the will to be themselves. But then, I could be completely wrong about that.

I like being me. : )

Except when I’m ill, which is right now : *

A little magic…

December 5, 2010

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

Interesting. I started letting go of material needs and disposed of fake friendships. This let to wonder about who I really was, which led me back to my imagination, which had been somewhat neglected these past few years. I got back in touch with nature (going for long walks barefoot, that sort of thing), and I started to wonder more about the world, and about mythical creatures and legends. This finally led me to want to go to university in Yorkshire where there are fairies and to spend my gap year in Scotland where there is the Loch Ness Monster, and Ireland where there are leprechauns. So my sense of wonder this year is more in wonderful things of the imagination. I also started drawing fairies again, and with each drawing, I feel more at ease with what I believe.

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

Ahaha. I let go of Bekca. I pissed her off and made no attempt to befriend her again. She was never the kind of person who is really and truly a friend. I let go of Robert and Jamie too, but then decided that they were two people I couldn’t lose again, so I got back in touch with them. I think I’ve finally let go of Lewis. A sensible, friendly person would’ve realised that I have changed so very much, and would’ve made an effort to get talking again. I let go of the bitterness and betrayal I felt by my mother and father. And finally, I let go of my self. I let the old Holly float off into the world of past rumours and assumptions. And the new me, emerged, almost fully formed, like a butterfly.

Baby, it’s cold outside!

December 3, 2010

December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)

Well, when I settle down to write it’s either in the college library or on my laptop at home. But then at the college library I get self-conscious writing a story surrounded by other teenagers who are doing their work and I think ‘Oh crap! I should do some work!’ and I put my story away and pull out some history work or english work and I sit staring at it until my free ends.

On the laptop it’s another matter. I sign in with great excitement for a next twist or new character, and a few minutes later I find myself staring at the Soiltaire card game on the screen. And then because I’m determined to win a game I keep playing and playing and playing. After that, I look through my photo folders, and do some rearranging and deleting and moving about. And before I know it, I’ve signed off and gone to bed.

I could elimate the college work by simply doing my work at any other time, or I could just devote one free a week to purely writing. Meanwhile the laptop shenanigans I could elimate by deleting the Soilatire game (never will happen!) or putting all my photos onto disks so I’d have to do a lot more messing around to look through them all.

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

The moment I felt most alive was on the last day of June when Nick (Sarah’s dad) and I drove 350 miles to bring Sarah home from Ambleside. The drive up was fairly uneventful, but there was excitement buzzing in the car.

Later, after the three of us had a massive Indian meal, Nick went off to his bed and breakfast for the night, Sarah and I collected two huge boxes to pack her things into. We were stuffed and practically high on spices. We were laughing so much, we collapsed on a bench. We hadn’t seen each other for a month, and for two people who are as close as Sarah and I, that’s a bloody long time. The sun wa just going down with that sort of half light that happens around eight o’clock on a summer evening, and there were a lot of people around. It was cool, not hot. The taste of Indian food and coca-cola was lingering on the air. I can’t remeber hearing any other people talking, just us laughing hysterically, but I also can’t remeber what about.

This memory lingers particularly because it was reunion, a two-person party, a sleepover, a holiday, a way of life for Sarah, a saying-goodbye to the place she’d lived for a month, and a rescue, because she really didn’t enjoy herself. It also was a series of life -lessons for both of us.

Well, we have about 5cm of snow here, and yesterday the college was ahem, kind enough to let us have the day off. But today they’ve decided we should go in. Luckily for me, I have just one lesson on Fridays and I’ve managed to persuade mummy darling to let me have the day off!

reverb 10

December 2, 2010

December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

Well, I guess my word for 2010 comes from what’s been happening in the past few weeks, unravelling. I feel I’ve unravelled myself and the way I view my family and the world. I feel more content, and I think I can understand things better. I’ve learnt to not take everything at face value and think that it just concerns me.

For the end of 2011, I’d like my word to be contentment. I’ve unravelled and now I feel I want to spend the next year trying to find contentment and safety in everything I do. I want to be truly happy, and to have accomplished that.